so i’ve been on crutches since wednesday.  and im tired.  im watching “charm school”.  dont know why these women cant get along.  why am i on crutches?  i was in a meeting on wednesday.  took a step and slammed into the floor.  the price you pay for wearing fab shoes.

went to long john silver for dinner.  nice.  never been there before.

bout to have some chocolate soy milk in a margharita glass with a rice cake.

been thinking about getting tips again.

been thinking about being in a relationship.  what if i just allowed myself to be open to receiving love.  does the kind of love im looking for exist?  and who will love me?  im really goofy.

you know – when men are hungry, they dont strip.  they dont have to.  so why do women do it? 

anyway.

so my search for a new church begins – again.  i went to church today and quite frankly i was very disappointed.  ask me what i got from today’s message – nothing.  i dont even remember what the message was about.  i just dont feel like anything is really being said.  i joined this church two years ago and i feel that it was in haste.  what am i looking for?  i will know it when i see it.  i will say this…tired of singing empty songs and tired of listening to recycled empty messages. 

time to get refocused on some things.

oatmeal and zoning charts

me again – the intermittent blogger.  been a long day.  went to work at 8am.  actually i have been getting better about getting myself up in the morning when i have to open and on top of that, i get to work with much time to spare.  anywho.  this morning was one of those days where in between bites of oatmeal and and completing my zoning chart, i forgot my password  again and the phone would not stop ringing.

actually im too tired to continue writing about my day.

adam lambert did not win.  what a dabacle.

i have a date with dr. perricone.

gnite

me again – the intermittent blogger.  had a nice day off today well actually it’s tomorrow.  anywho.  small group was good tonight.  we are on chapter 4 – brokeness.  we had to bring in articles about various incidents or tragedies that have occured.  one person brought in an article on the 1o year anniversary of columbine.  someone else brought in an article on jim jones, the person who led people to drink cyanide laced kool-aid for communion, all in the name of God.  someone else brought in pictures of a child who has some kind of disease and most likely will not make it to their fourth birthday.  we talk a lot about God being good and powerful and all knowing so on and so forth.  i believe that.  however with so many tragic things that go on in the world,  i cant help but wonder why.  i know we have free will.  i know that adam and eve disobeyed in the garden and that this led to the separation of God and man.  that still doesnt stop me from asking why.  why doesnt God stop the bad things and the bad people?  why do babies die?  why do innocent people die?  i was bold enough to ask this question and i felt that a few people got a little tense or put off by my question.  then people began with their pat answers like God is in control and good can come from evil, and we dont see the bigger picture and we have free will.  ok.  that still doesnt answer my question and these explanations dont satisfy me.  so.  why?  to keep my brain from exploding i just tell myself that it’s life.  onto chapter 5.  i have many questions.  i will keep exploring and growing in my faith even if i feel like the answers i get are not what i want to hear.  i continue my walk with God.

im going to enjoy my day off tomorrow.  im going to eat more steak and smashed potatoes and ghetto cheese popcorn from kroger and rice pudding.  im also going to go to the gym in the morning.  im going to drag my roommate with me.

oh yeah – i took , or ripped, my nails offf. what a great feeling.

you know, sometimes prayer is just lip service when the thing that you are praying about is something you have the power to go and fix.  example…if you know someone is sick and you pray something like “lord meet their needs”.  (not necessarily the best example but hopefully you get the point) now you know if the person is sick, they probably are not really mobile and might need their floor vaccumed, their dishes washed, and some food cooked.  how about you and some friends go meet those needs. 

just a thought.

so i bought that cute headband but ummm i dont know where it is now.  hopefully it’s at work.

so i woke up this morning with everything and nothing on my mind.  im still in a season of my life where i am questioning God about everything.  like i said, i went to bible study last night and honestly there was a part of me that felt like i would have rather been at home doing something else or just anywhere else but at church.  i still feel like we are just recycling the same information, just saying the same thing over and over again.  an hour and a half to keep saying the same thing over and over again.  granted, im sure many people were blessed.  im not saying that i wasnt.  im just saying that we are amen-ing and glossing over stuff.  that’s all im saying.

got an email from a friend this morning talking about rick warren and his wife who is sufferning from cancer.  one of the things he said that still confuses me and sets me into a cycle of questioning is the fact that life is a dress rehersal for eternity.  i feel like what is the point for being here on earth then.  why not just go to eternity.  perhaps i need a paradigm shift.  im just trying to understand the whole rewards in heaven thing anyway – even as a christian.  mr warren also makes reference to the fact that in spite of many people praying for his wife, she is still suffering from cancer.   what are people praying for then?  doesnt the word of god say in psalm 103 that He heals all our diseases?  God says he isnt a man that should lie. now this is not to say that God wont eventually heal mr warren’s wife.  maybe it isnt for me to figure out.  maybe there are so many other factors that our finite human minds cant grasp. i feel like im one of God’s children that always asks ” why? but why? but how come?  but why?” 

sidebar – i saw this super cute leopard print headband at cache for $9 with 50% off.  i think i want it.

i will revist this later (not the headband at cache thing.  the God thing.  i will revisit the headband when i go to work today :0) ).  im going back to sleep.

oh yeah, im still encouraged.  confused but still encouraged.

so i just realized that the only thing holding me back is me.  i feel encouraged today.  not necessarily because i went to bible study but again because i realized i am holding myself back.

i love my job.  it’s a far cry from my past experience.  nice to work for a company that invests so much in their people.  it’s nice to work for a job that realizes that people have different management styles and that different people bring different skill sets to the table and those differences are actually honored, cultivated and appreciated.

ok well im about to eat another late night meal.  im super hungry.

Wednesday Morning Babble

well well well look who decides to show up??? me.  i know.  im such an intermittent blogger.  im so not worthy to be a part of the blogsphere.  oh well.

i need to get ready to go to sleep as i have to be to work at 7am.  i just dont believe that anything should occur prior to 1pm.  not even sunrise.

mr bently did a triple elimination tonight. 

i have been thinking about not getting my nails done anymore.  no one seems to be able to do my nails according to my specifications.  i did find this natural nail salon in my neighborhood.  it looks pretty inside.  i am so over going to salons that make me feel like im on an assembly line.  so cold.  you see, i am the type of woman who loves to be surrounded by lush, plush beauty.  i love warm and yummy experiences – from the food i eat (i have an awesome personal chef :0) ) to the cream that i use on my body.  Fredrick Fekkai has this rediculously awesome body butter that i desire to have in my life.  It is $65 dollars, worth every penny. (www.beautygrind.wordpress.com)

my roommate is a computer junkie.  she sleeps with her computer.  she needs patch.  that’s why she has twitching eye.

buh bye

so im very proud of myself because i didnt spend any money today on breakfast or lunch.  my goal is to not spend money on outside food for 1 month to see how much i will save.  on average i spend about 7 dollars a day for 5 days.  you figure that’s 35 dollars a week for 4 weeks – that’s 140 dollars a month.  on top of that i have the audacity to go out to dinner with friends.  who do i think i am?  puffy?  i mean really.

im a little , no very, upset that my favorite jazz station had been done away with.  what’s really going on? it just is not there anymore. buh bye.

just trying to figure out why people have to be so trifling – why people have to steal.  i feel like the greater part of my workday is spent trying to deter crime. the next time you admire something someone is wearing, be careful, it might be stolen.  not cool.